Found via the Uncyclopedia:
When God created the Universe, He exploded a very small pizza (the singularity of italian food). This created an enormous amount of time, space and very hot strings of cheese which actually hold the universe together. The Universe is expanding and it is now considered by some that at some point in the future either the strings will snap and we all splat on someones pavement or, currently the most flavoured theory, the string will cool and become edible and this will solve all our food related problems.
When I surprised myself by typing in “String Cheese Theory” as the title of this post, I decided I’d better find out if anyone had dibs on the science. As it turns out, a Google search for this term returns 113,000 results at this particular point in time, space and strings thereof. I didn’t scroll through to find out if any of them match my own theory. I trust they don’t.
My theory goes like this. Let someone else worry about the nature of the universe. As for me, string cheese is the explanation for how low carb diets hold together. String cheese is a quick and semi-nutritious snack that does not have a lot of calories or carbs. One stick will stave off hunger for a couple of hours, thereby preventing the consumption of the much more fattening bag of Cheetos.
Really, string cheese is the key. You can’t succeed on a low carb diet without it. I figured that out just in time to decide I don’t need to be on a low carb diet. Not that there’s any danger of me accidentally low carbing in the next few weeks, but I’ve decided that glucose shortages make my brain unhappy, and my brain then punishes the rest of me for the offense. The brain does use more glucose than any other part of the body, and it uses it to manufacture happy hormones. I have to give it what it wants.
On the other hand, I’m feeling somewhat gross right now because I’ve been traveling, and I’ve been eating too many rich foods and/or too many carbs. I need balance. Must find balance.
String cheese on crackers with spinach salad on the side sounds about right. Sliced apples and string cheese perhaps.
Something simple. Something balanced. That’s what I’m looking for.
Good luck to us everyone on finding that at Thanksgiving dinner.
I do, however, have aspirations to make a big pot of vegetable soup to live on the week after Thanksgiving. Maybe that will make me feel balanced. I’m sure it will if I put potatoes in it and dip hunks of bread into it. Bring on the potatoes, baby. Low carb is for people who get their serotonin from sources other than direct shots of glucose to the brain.
Let them eat string cheese.
